The Dandy Bitch

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The Dandy Bitch

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"Ask the Dandy Bitch":
In-between Compari and Sodas,
The Dandy Bitch is semi available for your queries,
about life, food, love, wine, sex, music, clothing,
& that "trouble-sum 'other' in your life"
...in-fact actually; almost anything,
(other than modern complexities, including facebook
rent, taxes & Business; especially "the music business" ... ya-awn!)
ask away by clicking above:

(Editors note: Poi dog pondering does not accept responsibility for anything the Dandy Bitch Says. All the views below are the sole responsibility of the Dandy Bitch. PDP can in no way be held responsible for this content...
We are however, responsible for the Dandy Bitch's bar tab - which is considerable).

Editor's Note 5/ 11 / 2010: The Bitch went AWOL for a few months, he apparently did a stint in a Portuguese prison for counterfeiting, and just got out, and is either in, or on his way to Morocco.

Editor's Note 7/ 24 / 09: We're not bailing the Bitch outta this one...
We don't know how he got to Martinique, and we're not asking, but this shit just sounds fishy...

The Dandy Bitch's Back Travel Log:

Editor's Note 4 / 6 / 09: We've located the Bitch in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Apparently soon to depart for Rio de Janeiro "in a week or two". We have since cancelled his platetectonic credit card, and put him on a strict stipend to assure (& ransom) his 'consistent' availability for the 'Ask the Dandy Bitch' Column. Here we go...

Listen to what the bitch was dancing to in Argentina... ->>>>

CLICK AND HEAR

Editor's Note 4 / 11 / 09: Well, it's no surprise to us... The Dandy ran into a bit of trouble with the brothers and ex-husband of a prominent Argentinian Chanteuse (whom we would rather not name... for her sake, not his).
In any case, he had to leave town earlier than scheduled. 'Nuff said.
He's on his way to Rio (or Bahia) to visit an old friend & musician from his days in Bahia; Caetano Veloso. Undoubtedly seeking the shelter, music and soul food of the favela.
His response to the Query page may get sketchy here as there is not so much Internet access in the favelas. And, well actually, to be honest... as he is on the lamb. But give it a shot.

Editor's Note 6/ 10 / 09: The Dandy fell in with a Mexican Heiress with a sailboat and is on his way to Veracruz, and then on to Mexico City sometime next week.
Editor's Note 7/ 10 / 09: The Bitch lost big on the horses in VeraCruz, he's not gonna make it to Mexico City. He picked up a job as a waiter (which shocked the fuck out of us here). In the last phone call he said something about 'Alhambra' (what ever that is) & Flamenco... but we had a bad connection so we can't be sure.

Cocktails:
The Dandy Bitch never speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
However, the Bitch doesn't seem to mind naming *#&!@ drinks after himself!... (What a bitch!).

"The Dandy" : 1/3rd Red wine & 2/3rds Sparkling wine (Preferably Argentinean red wine & 1/2 Spanish Cava) This drink is "course de rigeur" for the Bitch.

"El Dandy" : The juice of 1 lime & 1 blood orange, 1 leaf of mint, 2 shots Tequila (what ever you like... El Dandy is not a bitch - and Mexico is his Brother, he loves all the agave from the homeland), w/ CRUSHED ice (but he won't flinch @ cubes).

"The Dandess" : The juice of 1 blood orange mixed with Cava (or any Champagne or Sparkling wine).

"The Temporary Virgin" : The juice of 1 lime & 1 blood orange, 1 leaf of mint, Soda water and CRUSHED ice

"The Dandy Bitch" : 1/2 Blood Orange Juice & 1/2 Tequila or Vodka, w/ ice .

"The Total Bitch" : 1 whole sliced cumcumber soaked in 1 bottle Soju and cooled on ice for 1 hour. Straight up.

"The Total *#%&!% Bitch" : Fresh lime Juice, fresh grapefruit Juice, a sprig of watercress and Russian Standard Vodka, w/ CRUSHED ice.

"The Keith Richard" : Orangina and Vodka, w / ice... unless you wanna go totally 'English' and skip the ice... ( choose the ice...)

The Dandy Recommends:
GYPSY OVEN BAKED RATATOUILLE:
(An old Gypsy Astronomer I once new made this dish for me, and I've never forgotten it. He told me he got the recipe from a beautiful black haired French woman).

THIS DISH IS SO EASY AND FORGIVING, IT BEGS YOU TO EXPERIMENT WITH IT. LISTEN TO DJANGO REINHARDT WHILE MAKING IT AND THE TIME WILL GO BY LOVELY.

IT’S ALL VEGETABLES AND HERBS, AND A BIT OF OIL AND VINEGER.

O.K. HERE WE GO.

IN YOUR BLENDER OR FOOD PROCESSOR;
PUT 2 TOMATOES, 1 ONION, 8 CLOVES OF GARLIC, 3 generous GLUGS OF OLIVE OIL, A TABLE SPOON OF BALSAMIC VINEGAR, A SMALL HANDFUL OF FRESH BASIL, A SMALL HANDFUL OF FRESH OREGANO, A MEDIUM HANDFUL OF FRESH DILL, A HANDFUL OF FRESH FLAT LEAF PARSLEY, 1 WHOLE JALAPENO PEPPER (if you don't like spicy - take the seeds out), SALT & PEPPER.
BLEND THAT UP INTO A NICE HERBY SAUCE.
USE FRESH HERBS - NOT DRIED!
(Carnivore Note: if you eat pork & want to take this dish up a notch - then fry up 4 strips of bacon - leave them semi soft - we don't want bacon bits! Then put that, and the fat in the blender too, blend it all together - it'll give you a nice smoky flavor).
THEN CHOP UP:
3 YELLOW SQUASHES, CUT IN 1⁄4 INCH ROUNDS
3 ZUCCHINIS, CUT IN 1⁄4 INCH ROUNDS
1 JAPANESE EGGPLANT, CUT IN 1⁄4 INCH ROUNDS
4 TOMATOES, CUT IN 1⁄4 INCH ROUNDS
AND 3 BIG chopped up PORTABELLA MUSHROOM CAPS.

GRAB A 9 X 14 INCH (OR SO) GLASS OR METAL BAKING PAN (PYREX IS PERFECT – BUT EVEN A METAL OVEN ROASTING PAN WILL DO)

POUR SOME OF THE BLENDED HERBY CONCOCTION IN THE BOTTOM OF THE PAN AND SPREAD IT AROUND,
THEN LAYER THE VEGETABLES IN THE PAN TO MAKE A SORT OF LASAGNA, POURING A BIT MORE HERBY CONCOCTION BETWEEN EVERY COUPLE OF LAYERS. SAVE PLENTY OF SAUCE TO COVER THE TOP OF IT ALL WHEN YOU ARE DONE LAYERING - YOU WANT IT TO SOAK DOWN WHILE COOKING.

THEN COVER WITH FOIL AND BAKE FOR AN HOUR IN A PREHEATED 375 DEGREE OVEN.
THEN MAKE RICE – JASMINE IS GOOD, ANY WILL DO. (When it's done put butter on it. Don't be shy).

THIS IS A SUPER SOULFUL DISH,
SERVE WITH BUTTERED RICE AND PRIDE… THIS SHIT IS GOOD!
You can also serve this with any meat or fish dish... but you won't need it.

The Bitch's back... catalogue
(Archive below)

Editor's up-date: Before leaving the Dandy promised to start a reader's questions column via Internet from abroad - called "Ask the Dandy Bitch". Meaning: You send him questions for advise, (or whatever the hell he does - frankly, we have no idea), & he responds. That sort of thing.
To be honest, I'd fire the bitch. But, Frank insists we keep him on... (some kind of old debt between them that neither one wants to talk about). In any-case, as soon as we can locate the Dandy we will have this thing up and running on the site here.
Using the last record from the credit card statement, we've found that he was last in a shoe store in the vicinity of Palermo, Buenos Aires. We have since canceled the platetectonic credit card, and that usually means that we should hear from him very shortly, and we can get back on track. Stay tuned.

Right Proper Dandys & Dandeses

"The Dandy Bitch"
An unapologetically opinionated editorial page:

(Editors note: Frank Orrall does not accept responsibility for anything the Dandy Bitch Says. All the views below are the sole responsibility of the Dandy Bitch, and may or may not reflect the views of Mr. Orrall - However, Frank can in no way be held responsible for this content...
He is however, responsible for the Dandy Bitch's bar tab - which is considerable).

Topic # 1: "Finding your true self, and living and breathing it every day"

I sometimes feel like this world is so complex and dense that I have a hard time keeping my finger on the pulse of the things that really matter to me. So I Went out and bought an old rotary dial phone... & that helped, a bit.
But I still have to stop and ask myself "who am I really before all the screaming noise of advertising and pop culture?".
I think that everything you do is a reflection of who you are. And we need to live with a child's wonder and joyful abandon - even as adults - maybe even especially as adults so we set a good example.
It's late at night and I'm slightly drunk - which means this will be a bit ramble-y and opinionated - but honest.

(I'm mostly talking to the Men here - but you women might take something away from this too...)

1 - Dress only in the clothes that express who you really are: wear them every day if you have to.
I like the old European men who wear their work clothes and apron for work and the same damn suit day in and day out, and patch the elbows when they wear out, for "dress clothes".
Peasant wear beats the crap outta Abercrombie and fitch (with a spatula).

Never just throw some shit on 'cause it is comfortable' - it just doesn't suit you. It "clothes" you - but it doesn't suit you.
Never, ever, wear corporate advertising clothes (like a Nike t-shirt) - that's for sports people to please their sponsors & for kids who don't know any better.
If your lover or mother gave you a coat that you don't really like, but "it's keeps you warm"... drop it right the hell off at salvation army, & instead take that blanket you bought in Tijuana that you LOVE and wear it instead - "good, the bad and the ugly" style.

If you always liked pirates, and secretly envisioned a dream of wishing to have lived a sailor's life, then bring some of that flair to your clothes ( I mention this as an example because I have this obsession: for instance.... I only wear sailor pants... ever. Period. In fact, my friends have strict orders to shoot me if they ever see me in a pair of jeans) (not that jeans are bad - only that they just are NOT me - and frankly they look silly on me - and nobody cuts them right for me and my wide hips - except the guys who cut sailor work jeans (the wide flairs even out the hips) - but I am biased here and I accept that.

I think this world just tells us what to wear - and the people who sell us clothes don't honestly care how we look in them - they only care that we buy them, and frankly we men have settled for shit for clothes.... I mean go look at any store that sells suits and you will see row after row of the same cut idea: the only variance will be: the number of buttons ( 1, 2 or 3 - but I dare you to find a 4 button coat - I've tried) and the other variance will be 'what shade of grey or black or brown?' - and not even GOOD rich brown - I'd kill for a rich brown suit - but bland brown... just kill ME now; get it over with ). (O.K. that's dramatic, but the Dandy is a Bitch after-all...)

A man's dress selection is, apparently; a bland ass suit, or jeans and a logo'd t-shirt and sneakers. ACK!
Women have it a lot better - way more selection, (and there-fore I believe a woman in a suit / skirt with sneakers & white socks deserves NOT to be forgiven).

HERE IS THE RUB: - on the whole - people dress worse now than ever in history.
An old Portuguese fisher man in the 20's / 30's & 40's looked 127 times better than any guy in a sports t-shirt, sneakers and jeans.
I know I sound like a fashion bitch - but believe me I am not - I just hate to see people settle for the norm when the norm sucks.
Hemingway always looked good. And his writing reflected that. (note: that's kind of a 'bitch' joke...)

... But seriously... you decide....

-----------------------------

See what I'm sayin?!?

What it really comes down to is 'dress up' for the pure joy of it - (life is too short).... and I don't mean "fancy" 'cause faux fancy is worse. Just dress in a way that reflects you as you truly are - what you truly believe in. (i.e. your inner Dandy, or 'Dandess')... And wear that shit to the bank, & to the grocery store, & the department of motor vehicles and to sound check and the stage - it's all the same.
(I have to say it bothers me when I see a band show up for sound check in shorts,flip flops and t-shirt, only to put on "stage clothes" for show-time... it's like they are just getting 'into character' for the show! Bull shit. Your 'stage clothes' should be 'your clothes'. Period. You should wake up in your 'stage' clothes.
Wrinkled "hot" is better than Frumpled "not". (What a bitch).

O.K. - to go even farther: If you look at the Japanese, Native Americans, or the Gypsies, or the Hawaiians of olde - NOW THAT IS SOME SOULFUL CLOTHING.

I propose we dress up in the phantasm of our imaginary self - BECAUSE that is more REAL than the 'dress down' uniform of conformity of social mores.

(what all this means):
Become your eccentric self - (the whole world will love you for it, and will breathe a sigh of relief) because by doing so, you will set them free to do the same for themselves.

(end of 'Bitch Broadcast'.... for now... I need a drink)